When Something is Not True…

We call it “contrary to fact.” And you should use the subjunctive instead of the indicative. Of course he’s a dog, so I guess he has permission to get it wrong.

Last panel. It should be “I wish I were a trout.”

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I’ll let the grammar nazi, Mike Peterson, do the talking today. Here’s the comic, an unsigned New Yorker item:

“Whoever drew it, it got a chuckle, but it also got a flinch for something unrelated to the point of the gag.

“While I try not to be a grammar nazi, those signs bug me. There are rules about speculation against fact — Tevye sings “If I were a rich man,” not “if I was a rich man” — and the signs should read “Drive as if your child lived here.”

“Dagnabbit.

“I like the concept, but I correct it in my mind every time I go past one, and they’re everywhere.”

https://www.dailycartoonist.com/index.php/2023/05/25/csotd-the-dagnabbit-files/

I’d say it needs about a dozen more stanzas. You’re invited to write one or more in the comments.

I’d call the one labeled “unreal” “subjunnctive,” which is the more common name.

Use the subjunctive when something isn’t real. Not that you’re lying, but when you describe something that is contrary to reality, such as if by flapping your arms would make you fly. Use the indicative when something is real, such as flapping your arms makes you tired.

Here’s an example of getting it wrong:

Second panel. He should say “If I weren’t competitive.”

Here’s an example of getting it right:

Second panel. Incorrect would be “if I was being let go.”

Think when you write.

The first lesson I’ve mentioned before: use the subjunctive with “if.” The kid doesn’t, which is incorrect. First panel:

He should say “If I were left-handed.” “If” implies contrary to fact, hence the need for the subjunctive.

So what’s the answer to his question? Could he be left-handed and right-footed? Yes! Herein lies lesson two, a vocabulary lesson. When you are right-one thing and left-another thing, that’s called being cross-dominant. I happen to be cross-dominant—right-handed and left-eyed, so that’s how I know.

What about you? Might you be cross-dominant?