We Usually Say This Backwards

What we say:

The golden rule appears in several forms across religions. The usual way we say it is a misquote of the Bible. We say “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.”). But this is backwards from Bible! The original, (in modern English) says, “However you want people to treat you, treat them like that.” The Bible states the standard for behavior first (whatsoever ye would that men should do to you), then what you should do (do ye even so to them). We usually first say what to do, then the reason for behaving that way.

Not a big difference, I suppose, but we curmudgeons like to get the details right.

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When you say “it is” or “there are” you’re using what we call a false subject. The words “it” and “there” don’t refer to anything. And the sentence is passive to boot. First panel:

Identify the guilty party! After all, it’s a news program. Could even have been free advertising for the coffee company. Something like “Brown Beanie Coffee Company announced today that they mislabeled…”

Harrumph.

They used to be statements, not questions.

Know Humpty Dumpty? It’s a riddle. Of course you see it in kids’ nursery rhyme books illustrated with an anthropomorphized egg, so the riddleness isn’t obvious. Here’s a better example of how riddles used to be:

Can you figure out who these legged things are and what’s going on?

Two more examples: You might know the story in the book of Judges about Samson killing a lion, and later finding a bees nest inside the carcass. To quote the riddle in context:

And Samson said unto them, I will now put forth a riddle unto you: if ye can certainly declare it me within the seven days of the feast, and find it out, then I will give you thirty sheets and thirty change of garments: But if ye cannot declare it me, then shall ye give me thirty sheets and thirty change of garments. And they said unto him, Put forth thy riddle, that we may hear it.

And he said unto them, Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness.

And they could not in three days expound the riddle. And it came to pass on the seventh day, that they said unto Samson’s wife, Entice thy husband, that he may declare unto us the riddle, lest we burn thee and thy father’s house with fire: have ye called us to take that we have? is it not so? And Samson’s wife wept before him, and said, Thou dost but hate me, and lovest me not: thou hast put forth a riddle unto the children of my people, and hast not told it me. And he said unto her, Behold, I have not told it my father nor my mother, and shall I tell it thee? And she wept before him the seven days, while their feast lasted: and it came to pass on the seventh day, that he told her, because she lay sore upon him: and she told the riddle to the children of her people. And the men of the city said unto him on the seventh day before the sun went down, What is sweeter than honey? And what is stronger than a lion? and he said unto them, If ye had not plowed with my heifer, ye had not found out my riddle.

Okay, this one is less serious. My dad liked to quote it to me when I was a kid:

As I looked over Castor’s wall,
I heard a man let out a squall
His beard was meat, his mouth was horn;
Such a man was never born.

Maybe I’ll tell the answer if someone asks.

Marcom is tech-writer-ese for “marketing communications.” We say that all marcom people are insane. That’s our interpretation of their brand of creativity, one part of which is mentioned in this comic:

So what do you think of marketing communications?

I think it’s a slight pause before saying the word and a slight increase in volume.

What do you think?