A Sentence Out of Order

rogersgeorge on March 28th, 2020

A rule in English is to put modifiers as close to what they modify as you can. Adjectives generally go directly before the noun they modify, a blue car, for example. (Except for post-positives such as “malice aforethought.”)

Adjectival phrases can go afterwards, but what do you do when you have more than one of those phrases? You put the phrase as close as you can to the thing it modifies. Here’s a guy who didn’t:

Decades ago, psychologist Benjamin Libet monitored subjects’ neural activity while they chose to hit a button, and he discovered a burst of activity preceding the conscious decision to push the button by a split second.

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/cross-check/my-go-to-arguments-for-free-will

What does that split second refer to? It refers to the burst of activity, not pushing the button! He didn’t need so many big words, either. How about this:

… he discovered a burst of activity a split second before the decision to push the button.

Well, I think the sentence is easier to follow now.

This sort of thing is part of good writing. No clear-cut rule, just good judgement.

  • When you write, think how you might be misunderstood, and don’t do that.
  • Try not to cause bumps for your reader.

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Figures of Speech in Expository Writing

rogersgeorge on May 28th, 2019

When you write to explain something, your goal is to be clear, not necessarily beautiful or picturesque. Some figures of speech are so common we don’t think of them as such; see the use of “window” in the sentence below. But how about the word “born”?

Because the cesium-rich particles were born early in the meltdown, they offer scientists an important window into the exact sequence of events in the disaster.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/radioactive-glass-beads-may-tell-the-terrible-tale-of-how-the-fukushima-meltdown-unfolded

Being born is normally a biological term. Might be a little better to have said “…particles were created,” eh? Or how about getting rid of the passive while we’re at it, and say that the particles formed early in the meltdown?

Not as distracting now, is it?

Rule of thumb: The more technical you are, the less poetic you should be.

Here’s a photo of the event:


The Fukushima Dai-ichi Nuclear Power plant after a massive earthquake and subsequent tsunami on March 14, 2011 in Futaba, Japan. Credit: Getty Images

Compose and Comprise

rogersgeorge on May 14th, 2019

I have written about both of these words in the past (look them up in the search box in the upper right) but I found both of them in the same sentence, and they’re both correct! Couldn’t pass it up.

Whereas typical white dwarfs comprise carbon and oxygen, these stars are mostly composed of neon. 

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/zombie-stars-shine-on-after-mystery-detonations/

—In a Scientific American article, naturally. They’re usually pretty good about getting these things right.

Remember the rules:

  • Comprise goes from the whole to a list of parts
  • Composed of goes from parts to the whole
  • Never use “comprised of”! It’s a pretentiousism.

I like pictures, so here’s one from the article. The sentence refers to the single-pixel white spot in the middle of the donut. Look closely.


Credit: NASA and JPL-Caltech

PS—For you picky, detail-oriented editors out there—The sentence refers to the dwarf star represented by the single-pixel white spot.

Another Correct “Whom”

rogersgeorge on December 20th, 2018

A lightweight post today (after all, I mention this feature of English grammar rather often). Actually it’s whomever. But it’s correct!

WuMo Comic Strip for October 19, 2018
https://www.gocomics.com/wumo/2018/10/19

You could even say the “whomever” is correct for two reasons:

  1. The noun clause “whomever she wants” is the direct object of the main verb, “can date.”
  2. “Whomever” itself is the direct object of the noun clause’s verb, “wants.”

The second reason is the real reason, by the way.

Why is the second reason the real one? The rule is this: you go from the inside out. Rule 2 describes what’s going on inside the clause, which is inside the sentence. 

Here’s a sentence with similar construction that uses “who” to begin a noun clause that’s a direct object, and it’s correct:

Detailed new risk maps show who should really flee a threatening storm.

Scientific American Oct 2018, page 1

“Who” is the subject of the verb “should flee,” inside the noun clause. The noun clause is the direct object of “show.”

An “old” Mistake

rogersgeorge on November 8th, 2018

We don’t use “whence” and “whither” much any more. But when you do, be sure to get the words right!

Whence means from which, from where, or from when, depending on the context.

Whither is similar, but the implied preposition is “to.”

I enjoy Michael Shermer’s column in Scientific American (in this case, the July 2018 issue, page 73). His material is interesting and thought-provoking. But hah! I caught him in a solecism! Here’s the quote:

That is the compatibilist position from whence volition and culpability emerge. 

“Whence” already means “from where,” So he doesn’t need the “from.” I’d say that considering the rest of the vocabulary in that sentence, maybe he’s being careless; “whence” without the “from” would certainly fit.